and president uchtdorf winked at james.

james and i sat in the celestial room on friday with president monson as he dedicated the oquirrh mountain temple. the moment i'll remember all of my life as one of my happiest is singing "the spirit of God" with my prophet, looking up at the beautiful crystal chandelier, and crying so much all i could do is squeak. we've had something of a rough week and wendy + tim got us those special celestial room tickets when they could easily have taken them for themselves. i hope they know how special they are to me. actually, i hope all of our family knows how special they are to me. we've had such support through this whole thing and it has brought us a lot of happiness. anyway, i was crying because i was happy and i love the temple and because i wish the whole world knew that everything was going to be okay and that Jesus loves them and that they don't have to be too cool for school and pretend like they can get through this crappy world without His help. why do people think that? how are they surviving? it's something i wonder.

anyway, i'm sure you're expecting me to tell you that i've had some inspiration and peace about things and you, dear friend, are right. i know that we are being guided to where we need to be. who the heck knows where that is? i sure don't. i sure wanted it to be the cayman islands. maybe it will be. but i know that whatever happens will be what needs to happen. we are all being molded by the Lord to be who we need to be. i know that. i think a lot about people in my life who have such struggles. who want a spouse, who struggle to have children, who are sick or unhappy. i've had times where i've felt really bitter for those people. why do some people sail through this life while others hit bump after bump? i'm not quite sure except that they are being given the opportunity to become stronger and better. this last year has been the hardest of my life. nothing bad happened, but it was just a mess. i struggled. and i am better for it. i like that. i like that i can recognize that. anywho, are you still reading this? you must be a special person. thanks.

if we stay in utah for another semester, i'm going to learn to sew better and i'm going to work on my mba and i'm going to start learning french and i'm going to wake up at 7 am every day and i'm going to potty-train pearl and i'm going to learn to not yell at my kids and i'm going to run every day day and maybe even become one of those runner people that i hate because i'm jealous of them and i'm going to ask my mother-in-law if i can paint some walls in the basement and i'm going to save money and i'm going to try to be less of a hermit and i'm going to wear long sleeves and take hikes in the canyon and enjoy fall (the best season) in utah.