Sunday, August 23, 2009

and president uchtdorf winked at james.

james and i sat in the celestial room on friday with president monson as he dedicated the oquirrh mountain temple. the moment i'll remember all of my life as one of my happiest is singing "the spirit of God" with my prophet, looking up at the beautiful crystal chandelier, and crying so much all i could do is squeak. we've had something of a rough week and wendy + tim got us those special celestial room tickets when they could easily have taken them for themselves. i hope they know how special they are to me. actually, i hope all of our family knows how special they are to me. we've had such support through this whole thing and it has brought us a lot of happiness. anyway, i was crying because i was happy and i love the temple and because i wish the whole world knew that everything was going to be okay and that Jesus loves them and that they don't have to be too cool for school and pretend like they can get through this crappy world without His help. why do people think that? how are they surviving? it's something i wonder.

anyway, i'm sure you're expecting me to tell you that i've had some inspiration and peace about things and you, dear friend, are right. i know that we are being guided to where we need to be. who the heck knows where that is? i sure don't. i sure wanted it to be the cayman islands. maybe it will be. but i know that whatever happens will be what needs to happen. we are all being molded by the Lord to be who we need to be. i know that. i think a lot about people in my life who have such struggles. who want a spouse, who struggle to have children, who are sick or unhappy. i've had times where i've felt really bitter for those people. why do some people sail through this life while others hit bump after bump? i'm not quite sure except that they are being given the opportunity to become stronger and better. this last year has been the hardest of my life. nothing bad happened, but it was just a mess. i struggled. and i am better for it. i like that. i like that i can recognize that. anywho, are you still reading this? you must be a special person. thanks.

if we stay in utah for another semester, i'm going to learn to sew better and i'm going to work on my mba and i'm going to start learning french and i'm going to wake up at 7 am every day and i'm going to potty-train pearl and i'm going to learn to not yell at my kids and i'm going to run every day day and maybe even become one of those runner people that i hate because i'm jealous of them and i'm going to ask my mother-in-law if i can paint some walls in the basement and i'm going to save money and i'm going to try to be less of a hermit and i'm going to wear long sleeves and take hikes in the canyon and enjoy fall (the best season) in utah.

27 comments:

Fashionably Kate said...

Abby.
I sincerely like you. Weird because I don't "know" you, but I really do! :)

What a lucky girl to receive those tickets. Something I'm sure you'll look fondly back on for the rest of your life.

I'm sorry you're having a rough go at it. In someways I get it. I STRUGGLED with the fact that our Portland adventure {I know..not nearly as amazing as your Cayman Island plan.} didn't happen. In the end though, I know we are supposed to be where we are right now. It's comforting to know that heavenly father knows the big picture for us.. even if we can't see it yet.
I hope that you guys end up somewhere special and amazing for your family {I'll keep my fingers crossed for Caymans!!}

and if Utah it is, be a runner. I'm so with you on the jealous/hate thing. Every Sunday afternoon, I saw to myself. This is the week. This is the week that I will drag my butt out of bed, and start to run again, and hopefully LOVE it this time. I'll keep you posted if it ever happens.

and this is the end of my novel to you.

xoxo-kate

Ambrosia Girl Jenn said...

What a blessing it must have been to attend the dedication and hear from our prophet. I'm happy to hear you walked away feeling more at peace and encouraged.

Investing in a really nice pair of running shoes is a good motivator to get out there and pound the pavement. Yelling at the kids, though...share with me your advice when you find the miracle cure for that!

P.S. Tried your Polaroid challenge this week. Concluded that my sad little One-Step can't pull it off. My pics came out too bad to share, but yours are awesome.

Veronica said...

Thank you for this. And how awesome that you got to be there. I was getting out of control just watching from my stake center so I can't imagine how great it must've been to be in the room.

amyegodfrey said...

Abby, you are amazing. Pure and simple. I love you.

Calico Sky said...

Isn't Wendy the best?

Abby this is the best post you've ever written. I do wonder how people keep going without faith. Through all my struggles of not finding a husband, two failed adoptions etc the only way I've kept going is knowing the Lord has a plan "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11. I also think of all the children without so much as someone to hold them when they are dying because they live in orphanages with 1:30 and it helps me gain perspective.

That sure sounds like a lot of great plans if you happen to stay in Utah! I'll keep praying that the best possible plan for your family is revealed and medical school is a reality :)

(((((hugs)))))
Kate

monique said...

I LOVE when sisters share their testimonies in the blog world! It is such a wonderful example and a beacon of hope. Big Hugs!

David and Shalynna said...

You are so sweet. I loved this post. It was beautifully said. Did President Uchtdorf really wink at your husband? That's awesome!

I so admire your strength through all of this and I appreciate you sharing it all with us as an example.

I really want everything to work out, but I also secretly wouldn't mind if you stayed in Herriman so we could be friends. I have a goal to learn to sew more too. We could work together. :)

Kera said...

the spirit of god. holy crap. that song has like history behind it. I feel so apart of something when I sing it. i was in a chapel in the back row squeaking myself. thanks for your post. prayers for you and wishes that all my favorite bloggers could get together over cupcakes and snocones.

kelly mccaleb said...

this was just lovely.

Emily said...

You made me cry, sugar blossom.

Sarah said...

awesome post ab! what an fantastic experience to be at the temple dedication. and at a time when you really needed it. i am so impressed with you.

Sophia said...

Those goals are great. I feel so much the way you feel.
Is it so funny I was in our steak center watching the dedication and at that same exact moment during that song was when I felt the most moved by the spirit.
My brain was a bit tired and I listened the best I could to all the speakers. But that music for some reason spoke to my soul and I could feel my spirit rejoice.
We are just human and have so many things to distract us from that pure flow of love from the spirit but there in that moment I felt it and it was so wonderful.

Natalie said...

I. Love. You. I really do. Full of beauty. You and that post.

wendy said...

I love you Abby! And your sweet, sweet family. It WILL be OK. :-)

brooke and tyler said...

what a great post. just know that you do inspire a lot of people, me included to do and think better. i really hope things work out for you! what a struggle. i'm so sorry that you are having to deal with that right now, but what great perspective you have.

ashley said...

Abby, we love you guys. And I needed to see this in the worst way today. Thank you. =)

Elena said...

Abby,

thank you for this beautiful post. I really enjoyed reading it. I'm sorry that you have to deal with all this mess right now. I feel exactly the same on many things you're writing about.

You are an inspiration and I know you are going to be guided.

Those are great goals!Good luck! And thanks again for sharing your thoughts and struggles.

Tiffany said...

Abby, I love you! I seriously do! I wonder often how people get through this life without believing in Jesus too. And I have felt those same feelings about how some people go through such hard trials and others don't. Thanks for helping me remember that trials are for growing and becoming stronger. It's so true, really! Also, I'm really glad I'm not the only person who yells at my kids (I need to fix that too!)

Bethany said...

Wow, that's so amazing you got to be there! Kind of gives you a chance to look at everything from a different perspective and realize all your blessings. Amazing!

Eliza said...

i love you ybba ybba yerfdog! everything will work out!

Angela, Aaron & Everest said...

i am a "bump in the road" kind of person! i often get jealous and mad at all those "sailor’s" out there... but honestly... the grass is always greener on the other side! while i was reading your post i felt like i was reading a journal entry from my life. i know what it's like to have your life feel like a mess! i could have put the past four months six feet under the ground and, hoped to never have seen them AGAIN! luckily trials only make you stronger... and that's what i keep telling myself! good luck with everything!

abby said...

you are the best bloggers a girl could ask for. seriously. i love you all!

Miss MyKelle J said...

You are seriously so amazing!!! Thank you!

Jamie said...

Oh my sweet girl, what would I do without you? You are my inspiration. Thanks for being so positive. Take me running with you. Don't worry, it will work out. I will take care of us. I love you. Jamie

Jamie said...

P.S. Yes all, I got the wink, Jealous?

Trent and Brooke Warner said...

how amazing to be there. Wow. I seriously would have loved that. You are a great example and I am glad for your perspective. You should take Jamie running with you... I love when my hubby goes with me. (It's just sort of tricky what to do with the kids when that happens...) Best wishes as you figure things out.

Kristen said...

Your funny.
I like that you said your going to try and not yell at your kids. Me too. I have been trying... it's hard.
I am glad that you yell at your kids though because it makes me know you are human and since all I know you from is the computer screen I need that reminder. Good luck with your Cayman adventure, if it doesn't work out.. something else will.
Glad you could go to the dedication I would have loved it!